The Text of Death
by miniprocrastinator
Summary: Life loses meaning for Aria Montgomery when she finds out the love of her life, Ezra Fitz is A. Aria becomes so depressed she wants to take her own life and tries to kill herself. Will someone special save her or will team Sparia be broken forever? Sparia one-shot.


**I've wanted to write a one-shot like this for a while now... and now I did. yay. Please, please, please review they mean so much to me. And if you like this check out my other Sparia story on my page. This probably isn't that good. Cut me some slack it's my first attempt at something like this. I've never wrote something this deep so if you guys who are more experienced in this could give me any pointers... And thanks so much for reading!**

The loud and irritable sound of an alarm clock blared through Aria Montgomery's room. Aria's eyes shot open and her hand hit the annoying piece of plastic so hard it nearly broke. But today it didn't matter if it broke, nothing really mattered today. She threw the soft, brown comforter off of her, and swung her legs of the edge off her bed. For a minute she just sat there letting her short, pink pajama covered legs dangle over the side.

_this is the last time i'll wake up._

The thought was big but didn't scare her. Nothing could scare her today.

She looked down at the pig puppet she still had in her arm from the night. She always slept with it ever since her dad gave it to her when she was 6. She never slept a night without it.

"For my princess" He had said. And back then maybe he did treat her like a princess but that was then and this now.

Spencer always says that.

"That was then and this is now"

_Spencer_. Pictures of her best friend floated through her mind. The only thing that held back Aria from doing this months ago was knowing the people she would hurt.

Spencer would be crushed. She had Emily and Hanna but neither of them could complete team Sparia. Even if they tried. Aria knew what she was doing and how it would affect people. She's never felt as bad as she did in this moment but soon she wouldn't have to feel anything. Soon she could finally relax. Finally rest.

Aria reached in to her pillow case until she felt paper brush against her palm. She pulled the crumpled stack of papers she had written and allowed her eyes to wander over the words of one of the papers. She could see the word "Mom" printed at the top but she couldn't make out the words underneath that. She flipped through the papers. "Spencer, mom, Hanna, dad, Emily, Mike ... the list went on and on. She wrote a letter for everyone she loved explaining why and how sorry she was. But no mount of letters could really explain just how sorry she was. She shoved them back in her pillowcase and stood up, leaving the stuffed pig behind.

She picked an outfit just like any other day because nothing's wrong. She grabbed the cutest accessories because she's fine.

_nothing's wrong nothing's wrong nothing's wrong_

_I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine_

the more time that passed, the more she found herself saying those words

"Are you okay?"

"Whats wrong?"

"How are you holding up?"

"Everything okay?"

Daily she was burdened with these questions especially from friends. But over and over she would give the same responses

_i'mfinei'mfinei'mfine_

_nothing'swrongnothing'swrongnothing'swrong_

But truth be told, those were lies. Aria was very far away from fine. Everything thing that had happened to them, to _ her _was just to much to handle. First A split her parents up which was hard, but after that the torture kept coming. Constant texts, constant fear, everyday it got worse and worse and the pain was stronger every time. It got harder to get up in the morning, sleeping was rare and her head was a constant mess. But it wasn't until that day that her whole world spiraled downward. The day life lost meaning for Aria Montgomery. The day they found A. It was nearly two months ago, but the memory was much to fresh in her mind. The rare times she slept were filled with nightmares and her day dreams consisted of only that memory when she zoned out in her classes. Especially her English classes. That was if she even went to class at all, lately she hasn't felt the need to. The memory again rose in her mind

"He went this way!" Spencer ran in to the woods, other girls following.

"I see a hoodie" Emily had yelled, running closer

"Oh my god" As soon as Hanna saw who it was she stopped in her tracks

"Is that.." Emily couldn't even finish the sentence

All four girls stood there seeing something they never thought they would. Standing in the woods in jeans and a black hoodie stood Ezra Fitz.

Aria's heart stood still. She wanted to run but her legs wouldn't work. tears flood her face but she couldn't feel them, she couldn't feel anything. As his icy blue eyes met her hazel ones she could feel her heart split in two, then four, then eight until her heart was a million little shredded pieces. She expected him to run to her and make it all better just like he usually does. But the soft, loving eyes she usually saw weren't there. The only eyes she saw were filled with evil and hatred. Ezra took off running, but not towards Aria, just farther in to the dark. Finally Aria's legs moved and something between a scream and a sob escaped from her throat. Her legs took her further in to the woods, looking for Ezra. if Ezra was there he would hug her until she couldn't breath, Ezra would rub her back, wipe the tears from her eyes and muffle her sobs in his chest. But Ezra wasn't there, A was. She had attempted to scream his name but the sound was taken over by violent sobs. She felt three pairs of arms behind her as she collapsed to the ground. They all went down with her, attempting to calm her down.

"Aria" Spencer whispered and Aria cried harder in to her friend's chest. Spencer didn't know what to say besides her name.

Spencer felt nothing but pure sympathy. After all she could relate. They all rubbed Aria's back as tears slipped down the cheeks. They had know idea what to do.

"Please don't cry, sweetie" Hanna ran her fingers through Aria's hair

But Aria just kept sobbing, unable to stop. She would whisper words under her breath and cry out his name every now and then. She wanted to talk and she wanted to listen when her friends told her it would be okay. But she knew it wouldn't, it never would.

Eventually Aria couldn't find the energy to cry anymore. Her head pounded, her throat felt dry and the awful feeling in the pit of her stomach never left. Somehow they managed to get Aria back to the car and back to Spencer's.

And after that things were supposed to get better. But message after message, text after text she couldn't get to Ezra. She never felt happy, only pain. But as time went on she learned not to cry when she heard his name, she worked reassuring things in to her main vocabulary

"I'm fine" She would tell the girls as they pressed her to talk about it

They knew she wasn't okay. Every smile was forced and she lost her... spark. She wasn't that same huggable, bubbly, kooky girl that she used to be. She wasn't Aria. Aria had always been the strong one despite her size. Whether she was comforting Emily about Maya or paige or she was wiping away Hanna's tears when she and Caleb had a fight, she had always held it together for everyone else. If her and Ezra got in a fight she saved the tears for her pillow and gave little details. That's why it was so awfully depressing to see Aria in the state she was in.

Often they would just catch Aria staring in to space, sometimes a tear would roll down her cheek. Three times she's had to excuse herself from class to go sob in the bathroom. Spencer was in all of her classes and would usually be the one to excuse herself and hush Aria's violent sobs. She would rub her back just like the day they found out. She'd lock the bathroom door so nobody could walk in to see Aria practically being cradled by her best friend. Eventually Tears would cascade down Spencer's face too. She couldn't stand to see her best friend like this, she would do anything to make it better but Aria never made one simple sign of improvement.

Aria's mom was on the year long vacation with Zack, Byron's job had become much busier and he would constantly be on business trips. But for all Aria knew he was out with Meredith, but now she didn't even care. The only thing she cared about was Ezra but that was also ripped away from her. Mike usually spent the nights at a friends or alone at Ella's so Spencer always insisted she stay with her instead of being alone. Aria thought it was sweet but she much rather curl up in her own bed and die, but she didn't have the energy to fight anymore. She felt pathetic and weak when Spencer had to soothe Aria when she woke up screaming bloody murder from nightmares.

But it wasn't until that text until she realized what she really wanted. The text of death.

**Aria and Ezra sitting in a tree K-I-L-L-I-N-G. Poor Aria, even your illegal boyfriend never loved you, just goes to show how worthless you are. Kisses -A**

Thats when she knew she wanted to die. She wanted it almost as badly as she wanted Ezra back. But now all of the pain and suffering would be over. No more A, no more Ezra, no more life.

She finished off her outfit, not bothering with makeup. She waited until she knew the bell at Rosewood high had rung so she knew none of the girls would drop by and offer her a ride. She grabbed the pages from her pillowcase and made her way in to the bathroom. The 10 foot walk might as well have been a mile, it took Aria twice as long to get there. She sat down on cold tile floor, next to the cabinet.

_This is it_

A classroom of kids filed in to english class, which has had a sub for the past two months. But as Spencer, Hanna and Emily sat down they realized something wasn't right, something was missing. A seat was empty and the room lacked a kooky, yet fashionable outfit. Aria wasn't there.

"Wheres Aria?" Spencer had mouthed to Hanna from two rows away. The blonde just shrugged her shoulders and looked over to Emily who did the same thing.

The three decided she was probably sick and went about there business. But Spencer still felt a little off every time she looked up and didn't see a short, little brunette's head in front of her in class.

Aria raised her hand to open the cabinet and realized how hard she had started to shake. Her heart was thumping out of control and chills repeatedly went up her spine. For a while she just sat there, thinking about it. Thought of guilt ran through her mind and a few tears spilled out of her eyes, down her cheeks to the notes the had written. She looked down at the notes which had been crumpled a million times.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered as if there were people inside the pages.

She stared at the cabinet again, frozen.

_just do it_ she snapped at herself

"She's probably just got a bug or something" Hanna thought aloud "Aria's immune system is about as strong as she is" She said, referring to Aria's tiny size

"Yeah well then why isn't she answering he phone?" Spencer had became more worried as the day went on. Aria wouldn't do something stupid._ Would she?_

"Remember the last time she got sick? She slept more than a coma patient. She was probably just asleep"

"Well do you remember that her evil stepmother was poisoning her?" Emily's comment did not reassure Spencer

"I think i'll skip lunch and go check on her. I'll meet up with you guys at study hall." Spencer threw away the tray of food she had just gotten and spun around on her heel, toward the door.

"Text us how she is" Emily called to Spencer. Spencer looked back and nodded before darting out the door and in to her car

Finally Aria worked up the courage to reach her hand in to the wooden cabinet. She reached around through boxes of tampons and rolls of toilet paper until she felt it. She let her hand graze over the smooth surface before grabbing it and yanking it out of the cabinet before she lost the courage.

She stared at the tiny orange bottle like it was an artifact. She locked her eyes on the pretty little pills inside. _painkillers_

_this is gonna kill the pain for good_

Her hand was shaking so hard she couldn't even manage her hand around the cap. _Just breath, just breath _she told herself. She finally managed her hand around the cap, breaths uneven and chills running up and down her spine. She pulled and pulled but the cap wouldn't budge. _Push twist push twist push twist. _She gritted her teeth and continued to fight with the bottle except with more force, more frustration this time.

"Come on, open dammit!" She slammed the pill bottle on the edge of the counter bit still it remained closed. Waterfall tears sprinted down her face and she continued to bang the bottle on various items.

Her heart nearly thumped out of her chest and tears blocked her vision so she could hardly make out the bathroom. She let out a half cry, half scream of frustration as she continued to pull and tug at the bottle that contained her fate.

Spencer reached under the Montgomery's doormat after discovering the house was locked. She pulled out a shiny silver key and jammed it in the lock.

"Aria?" She called out. No response.

"Aria, are you okay?" Again the only sound she heard was the rain that had started to fall outside

She poked her head in the living room where Aria usually stayed where she was sick. But no trace of Aria was there, not even a blanket.

She checked the downstairs bathroom which had remained clean and lacked the smell of vomit. She started to wonder is Aria was even sick. Or if she was even there at all. After finding Aria room empty Spencer's heart started to jump and she felt slightly faint, fearing the worst. What if A took her? What if A _hurt_ her.

But spencer was pulled from her awful thoughts when she heard a sound coming from the bathroom across the hall. It sounded like a scream.. or a cry. As she raced down the hall she recognized where she had last heard that sound. the day they found A.

"Aria!" Spencer screamed from the hall as her hand made contact with the door knob. But as that door swung open Spencer no longer felt relieved. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that was on the other side of the door.

Finally after multiple desperate attempts the cap flung off the pill bottle and a couple of colorful pills spilled from the bottle before Aria dropped the rest due to her trembling hands. And this would have been great for Aria, she would have been happy if Spencer hadn't just witnessed it.

"Aria!" Spencer yelled again as she made her way to her best friends side. Aria violently tried to push away and grab the pills but it was too late. Spencer was stronger than her and held her tight, refusing to let one pill touch Aria. Aria sobbed and sobbed, screaming, crying.

"Let me die!" A sob masked the words but Spencer could still make out every one of them. The words stabbed Spencer right in the heart. Tears escaped her eyes as she struggled to be strong.

"Please, Aria, please" Spencer couldn't think of anything to say to her friend. So she just whispered the comforting words in to her ear

"Please don't do this Aria" Aria had stopped fighting and was now sobbing in to Spencer's shoulder as hard as she had two month ago, when they found Ezra. Spencer held Aria's head in one hand and rubbed her back with the other, tears falling in to the smaller girl's hair.

After what seemed like an eternity of crying they both composed themselves enough to talk and made there way to Aria's bedroom.

"Here" Spencer handed Aria a cup of tea, attempting to cheer the girl up

"Thanks" Aria muttered, refusing to meet her eyes. After Aria had composed herself enough to stop wailing she got a far away look in her eye and continued to cut herself off from the world like she had for the past two months.

Spencer sat down on the edge of Aria's bed and stared in to Aria's eyes, attempting to make eye contact.

"Should I call Hanna and Emily?" This time Aria's head shot up and she looked straight at Spencer

"No"

Spencer shook her head, the same questions constantly running through her mind.

"You know I love you right?" Spencer scooted closer to Aria and wiped a tear from her own eye. For the longest time Aria didn't respond and Spencer feared she never never would. But finally Aria shoulder shrugged a little and her eyes looked full of guilt.

"I know"

Spencer wished she would of talked more, but two words was better then none.

"Then why did you do this? Why do you want to die?" Spencer's voice cracked and she forced back a sob.

Aria didn't respond again. _Because I found out the love of my life was A? How about because I lost my virginity to a murderer? Let's not forget i'm the reason the parents got divorced! _She wanted to scream. But she kept her thoughts buried deep under the rest of her secrets.

"Please Aria. We need to talk about this. Please." Spencer's words were so desperation Aria didn't think she had ever felt this bad in her life. She knew she was hurting people by doing this, but at the time she really didn't care. I mean, after all she would be dead. But the tears the glistened Spencer's eyes were too much. Aria didn't even know how she felt. Guilty? Mad. Useless.

"You really want to know, Spencer?" Spencer nodded her head and listened intently

"Because theres no reason to live anymore. I ruin everything and bring everyone down. The world would be better off without me and i'd be better of without it" Aria voice was monotone but Spencer could still hear the pain in it. That's when it hit Spencer.

Aria really believes this. She really wants to die.

"Aria.." Spencer was at a loss for words

"The world would not be better off without you. The world needs you Aria. I need you" Spencer laid her hand over Aria's wrist and desperately stared in to her eyes.

"Why does the world need me? I've only caused pain" Aria scoffed at Spencer and stared down at her lap

"Aria that isn't true and you know it, you haven't done anything. Remember when I thought was A and you helped me through everything? Through Radley and Mona and A and everything. You had no idea how badly I wanted to die but everyday when you visited me it gave me a little more strength not to." Spencer's voice was soft and comforting but tears still rushed down her face, revisiting the horrible memories.

Aria felt a little stab of pain when Spencer told her she wanted to die. she thought about losing Spencer and suddenly she realized what she was doing. If Spencer had killed herself.. Aria didn't know what she would do with herself.

_I can't kill myself. How could I have been so selfish?_

"I'm so sorry, Spencer" Aria voice became weak and sad instead of her previous monotone one.

Aria felt long, lean arms wrap around her tightly and she allowed herself to sink in to them.

"Aria the next time your that upset you can't hide it, you can talk to me" Spencer combed her fingers through Aria's long hair, comforting her broken friend.

Aria nodded in to Spencer's chest and let out a sniffe "I will".

"Spencer?"

"yeah?"

"I love you too"

Spencer hugged Aria tighter and layed down with her. Spencer felt a vibration from her pocket and saw Hanna was calling her. Before she picked it up she felt a tug on her arm

"Hey,can you not tell them about.. you know" Aria felt ashamed and guilty about that she had tried to do.

"Of course" Spencer squeezed Aria's arm reassuringly and pick dup the phone.

"Spencer what the hell happened, you missed two periods!" Hanna practically screamed. Spencer could hear Emily say something in the background and then some random noises and Emily fought Hanna for the phone.

"I'm sorry Hanna's an idiot" Emily said as Hanna through a glare at her "But is everything okay? How's Aria, is she sick?"

"Yeah, i'm sorry I forgot to call you guys we were um.. uh.. " Spencer gave Aria a "help me" look. Aria grabbed the phone from her.

"I'm fine.. now" Aria gave Spencer a small smile before returning to the conversation "Just the flu or something, I should be back on Monday" Spencer gave Aria a supportive smile

"Oh good, we were getting worried. Well I hope you feel better, we'll stop by after school" Aria would hear Hanna grab the phone back "Tell Spencer to pick up her damn phone next time" Aria and Spencer laughed while they listened to Hanna and Emily wrestle over the phone. Eventually one of them just hung up. Spencer then realized she had 7 missed calls from Emily and Hanna

"We need new friends" Aria laughed. But Spencer didn't pay attention to the joke, she was to busy smiling at the fact that Aria seemed.. happy again. She smiled and laughed.

"What?" Aria noticed Spencer staring at her

"I'm just happy you're feeling better"

"Me too" Aria realized all this time she hadn't even thought about Ezra. She didn't need him to be happy.

For a while the two just layed there, Spencer's arm draped protectively around Aria. They stared at the ceiling and watched the fan spin in circles. Finally Spencer broke the silence.

"Aria?" But when she looked down the realized Aria's eyes were closed and was sleeping peacefully for the first time in months in to Spencer's shoulder. Aria watched her chest rise and fall, grateful that she got here when she did and that Aria was still alive and breathing.

Spencer leaned down and placed a kiss on Aria's forehead before sinking farther under the covers and letting sleep take over her.

**Sooo? Good? Bad? Please let me know. Thank so much for reading and if you have any suggestions or ideas please let me know! And again, please review!**


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